Tag Archives: Humor

REVIEW of ‘The Interview’ – Fun Raunch! … and free speech run rampant

Never in my 58 years have I wandered out on Christmas day to go to a movie.

Bill Golden - The Interview

This year I decided to put on my Red, White and Blue suspenders and go out to support independent theater owners that took the risk of showing the movie called ‘The Interview‘, which has earned the ire of North Korea, a hacking group called the Guardians of Freedom, and from which corporate America ran away from as quickly as possible.

I chose to view this movie based simply upon the principle of embracing free speech … and poking back at those who would dictate to us what we should/should not see, read, think or be exposed to.

Our local independent theater, the Manassas Four which is owned and operated by Bunny Khorana, fancied itself up for the film’s Christmas debut.

Manassas Four Theater

And yes, people showed up. So many people showed up to see the movie that they moved its showing to the largest of the four theaters in the complex.

Manassas Four - The Interview Crowd

America came out to see this movie. The young, the old, and those of every hue … plus there seemed to be a healthy number of Koreans in the audience.

The Review 

Quick Review: Oy vey! Rude, crude, lewd and embarrassingly very funny.

The audience laughed … they/we laughed a lot. I noticed that women’s voices were often the loudest and most often to be heard laughing. Two of the film’s main characters were women and both used their bodies as weapons … on the soft minds of men and male weaknesses (which are legion!). Sexual innuendo on the level of young males overdosed on testosterone trying to gross each out was woven into every major scene of the movie … and there was a strong gay humor streak as well.

No one escaped insult or stereotyping. Yet I cannot help but believe that the audience walked away having laughed at itself.

We laughed not only at the fun poked at Kim — but NEVER was there a moment when the laughs were at the expense of Koreans or Asians — we also laughed at America. American media and corporate values were just as much poked and embraced for every laugh and gagline imaginable.

‘F’ Bombs: this movie was a continuous carpetbombing of that effing word.

At moments I felt embarrassed to have laughed so loud and so often because … this film is so rude, crude and lewd in a mischievous foul-mouthed American juvenile kind of way. I admit it: the laughing felt good … and I should have taken a rosary with me to keep count and to ask forgiveness for each smile that crossed my mind.

Supposedly this movie was ‘low budget’ but the videography and the acting and the scenes were all very well done. There was no cheese anywhere … except in the low brow humor.

God bless America and fresh popcorn. Go see the movie! Do it because we’re Americans and no one tells us what to do … except our moms … and that doesn’t always work out so well either.

So was the movie worth it? Was it worth the money that I spent?

On the way home I stopped off to get some milk for my coffee. Prominently displayed were some suggested unique Christmas gifts for those in search of something … anything … for those desperate … to spend some money on anything just so they could show that they remembered you … or whatever. If you would buy a Chia Willie then you need to get your willie to the theater and show that you really believe in America and free speech.

Chia Willie

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President Obama Meets Ohioans … and discusses whether we are better off four years later (Humor)

President Obama recently travelled to Ohio where he met the locals and discussed the question: “Are you better off than four years ago.”

He did this on Saturday Night, Live.

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Top 45 Oxymorons

Top 45 Oxymorons:

45. Act naturally
44. Found missing
43. Resident alien
42. Advanced BASIC
41. Genuine imitation
40. Airline Food
39. Good grief
38. Same difference
37. Almost exactly
36. Government organization
35. Sanitary landfill
34. Alone together
33. Legally drunk
32. Silent scream
31. Living dead
30. Small crowd
29. Business ethics
28. Soft rock
27. Butt Head
26. Military Intelligence
25. Software documentation
24. New classic
23. Sweet sorrow
22. Childproof
21. “Now, then …”
20. Synthetic natural gas
19. Passive aggression
18. Taped live
17. Clearly misunderstood
16. Peace force
15. Extinct Life
14. Temporary tax increase
13. Computer jock
12. Plastic glasses
11. Terribly pleased
10. Computer security
9. Political science
8. Tight slacks
7. Definite maybe
6. Pretty ugly
5. Twelve-ounce pound cake
4. Diet ice cream
3. Working vacation
2. Exact estimate
1. Microsoft Works

Shared by Sue Clayton on Facebook, who shared it from David Carpenter, who shared it from …

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21 Major International Economic Systems (Humor … for some of you)

My son’s economics teachers posted this list defining the 21 economic models of the world. Enjoy.

The list starts out much like it has for the last 40 or 50 years … and then gets interesting.

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATIC

You have 2 cows..
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away…

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

AN INVESTMENT BANK

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none..
No-one believes you, so they bomb the sh*t out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.

NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go to a bar to celebrate.

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Zen – Insults as art, and no shortage of sarcasm

Modern insults can be so crass and in your face. Cheap insults are so common that they are as predictable as a country song.

For those that yearn for the good ol’days when insults were well thought out and full of sarcasm, my friend Bill Case offers the following classics:

  • A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.” “That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”
  • “He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr
  • “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill
  • “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” Clarence Darrow
  • “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
  • “Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas
  • “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain
  • “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends..” – Oscar Wilde
  • “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill … “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second … if there is one.” – Winston Churchill, in response.
  • “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” – Stephen Bishop
  • “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright
  • “I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb
  • “He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” – Samuel Johnson
  • “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating
  • “In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” – Charles, Count Talleyrand
  • “He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker
  • “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain
  • “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West
  • “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde
  • “He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.” – Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
  • “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder
  • “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx

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Zen – A Sign(s) of the Time(s)

The recorded history of the world as we know it is encapsulated in the signs below. It has always been so and will always be so.

Idiots of the World: Unite!

Idiots of the World: Unite! ... or why there is no peace in the Middle East or whereever 'do unto others before they do unto you' is the philosophy.


I normally say thank you to whomeever I borrowed something from. Oops! I forgot to write down the source. So, I haven’t overlooked you, whomever you are. No, I have forgotten you. Good news: I will remember eventually. Perhaps in 2013 …. or …

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Bureaucracy and Dead Horses

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that, “When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.”

However, in bureaucracy more advanced strategies are often employed such as:

1. Buying a stronger whip.

2. Changing riders.

3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.

4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead horses.

5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.

6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.

7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.

8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.

9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase dead horse’s performance.

10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse’s performance.

11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of economy than do some other horses.

12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.

And of course….

13. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.


Thanks to Joe Cummins for these 13 talking points. No PowerPoint presentations were used in developing these ideas or concepts, or the random words used to form seemingly coherent sentences … in those cases where the words appear to actually form some structure of readability.

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